I guess I’ll kick off this blog/diary by explaining what has prompted me to write it and tell you a bit about what I plan to post here in the future. Unlike my previous abortive efforts at becoming a web diva this blog truly comes from my heart and will really help me deal with the very serious issues I’m facing. Don’t worry though…I’ll try to use as much humor as I can muster as laughter is, in fact, a wonderful medicine!
Anyway, here’s my story. I’m currently a 36 year old woman trapped in the body of man. Ouch. How’s that for losing a big part of your life? Oh, and did I mention how I put my various significant others, each of whom I loved dearly, through living hell?
Although this fact has jumped in front of me like a wino chasing a pink elephant into oncoming traffic more than a few times during my life I’ve always managed to dismiss it for one reason or another. When I was young, the fact that I was raised a fundamentalist Christian led me to reject this truth about myself lest I be cast upon the molten pits of Hades for being an abomination unto the Lord. Later, the excuse became “well, I can’t do a damn thing about it so toughen up and move on you wuss!” This was a more reasonable excuse (as crappy unreasonable excuses go…) considering my general ignorance, the fact that access to the Internet hadn’t trickled down to my home town, and the reality that I was not strong enough to ask anyone in real life for advice.
Oh well, to make a long story short the inevitable sexual problems arose in my latest relationship and I was soon back to cross dressing and pining away to be the woman I could never be. Poor me. Then one day just a few weeks ago Netflix kindly delivered TransAmerica to my doorstep and I was soon treated to a realistic portrayal of what dedication and modern science (and a good chunk of cash) can accomplish in the pursuit of one’s own identity. OH…MY…GOD. Tons of on-line research conducted until the wee hours of the morning and now…
…I’m here.
I’ve told my wife and she’s been unbelievably supportive. (More on that later!) I don’t know if our marriage will/can survive but I know our love will and that’s so much more important to me than anything else. I still love all of my exes and I think they still love me so that helps me sleep a bit easier at night. Oh, I also started therapy, am scheduling electrolysis at E2000 tomorrow (they have a huge waiting list so cross your fingers for me and wish me luck!), and will start working on makeup and voice as soon as my cool new stuff arrives from Deep Stealth. (Those guys are way cool! I so love you two already! Thank you SO much from the bottom of my heart!) Oh, and I’m under Dr.’s orders to build a wardrobe which I’ll probably do by visiting a few of the “up scale” thrift stores in the area. But first I need to figure out what “season” I am…I have SO much to learn but I can’t wait to get started!
Next up is to get a good full-time job and save money like the miserly little squirrel I am so I can afford all the best procedures and surgeries I’ll need to look like Natalie Portman when this is all over with. (Yeah right!)
Anyway, much more to come! I already have lots more to share but it will have to wait until tomorrow!
Becki
